Such a humbling word that now sits on my inner left forearm. I see glimpses of her throughout the day. Sometimes I am unfazed, other times I am shocked because I forget she’s there, and then there are those magical moments where I smile uncontrollably. Such are the feelings of life.

What does it mean?

I first heard this term last summer, when I first returned to Alaska. A coworker uttered it during a conversation, and my brain was instantly stimulated. My body is a hungry brain that is fed in unexpected ways. And, oh, when it is fed, I can’t help but give myself a damn hug. I learned quickly after our chat that ‘sonder’, at its core, means that we are all human. That we are surrounded by people, everyday, that have stories that are just as complicated as our own. In other words, we are all in a beautifully complicated version of reality. Whereas you are the main character in your story, and prominent characters in so many other lives, you are also merely an extra in so many other stories where you may only appear once (i.e. as an extra while sipping coffee in a coffee shop). 

How intrinsically wonderful. Throughout my short little life, I have been lucky to find myself in copious locations, interacting with the world as well as with myself. One of the best things I could do for my  growth was to immerse myself in a different country, with a different way of living (and language), and (initially) feel absolutely lost. Just the other week, I was reminiscing on this particular time in my life, and they asked me what my favorite part of being abroad was. I answered: Going alone.

The thing is, this task doesn’t have to be accomplished halfway across the world. You don’t have to even open a suitcase. Sonder–being one with yourself while simultaneously recognizing your story is in a book of many–starts with being comfortable with that. With being comfortable with yourself. Take yourself on a damn jaunt; go to that movie you have been wanting to see (alone); take yourself out to eat. Sit with your mind. 

Sonder, I decided, should forever have a place within my temporary home. It is a reminder to be humble. To let myself know that what I am is enough, even though so many external factors may be telling me something else. It inspires me to continue to be genuine in my interactions. It also inspires me to write: About myself, about the things I learn from others. 

I also believe that so much of what ‘sonder’ embodies is the importance of listening. Oftentimes, the act of listening is far more important than speaking. Simultaneously, however, it is a nudge for us to reckon with the prominence of what we can say and do with our own unique voices. Especially in an age where so much is at stake (human bodies being at the forefront), we must do what our own temples are informing us to do.

Sonder tells us: Keep fighting for your story. Be authentic and be real. This now-permanent reminder has helped me realize that we are a fish among many, yet without our particular stroke, the stream would move differently. I will continue to give myself hugs, and I encourage you to do the same. 

Although I could go on for pages about the magic of this word, I will save that for my book. Thank you for engaging in one of many life updates, friends. Hopefully my time with the keyboard will be less sporadic in months to come. Now, let’s dance. Ciao, bella, XOXO, Von

In a world that is spinning rapidly, with much confusion and uncertainty laced within, we must remember to ground ourselves. Currently, as most know, we are in a global pandemic. Better known as COVID-19: a virus that is testing humanity.

I have struggled, as of late, with what to do with myself during this time. I find it hard to sit at home, but that is exactly what we must do. It is a group effort, something we are all in together. Even though our purpose might seem lacking, there is so much we can do during this time. First and foremost, I make it my priority to recognize what I have, and how I can help others by using the resources I have. It is not easy to navigate, as most of you are probably feeling, a life that is suddenly put on hold–a life that consists of purely waiting. Waiting for the news. Waiting for good results. Waiting for change. It is difficult to go from our crazy, hectic lifestyles to slow-paced mornings and afternoons.

However, due to my own lack of motivation, I decided that I needed to change how I was living during this time in order to increase my mental wellbeing. So, I decided to share what I have done this past month with all you chickadees. Who knows, maybe it will help your soul and purpose:

1. Every morning, I think about the things I am thankful for. It really helps put this situation into perspective and is a good practice to realize my privilege and resources that I have during this time. I sometimes write it down, and other times make a mental list. This is an important time to reflect and be continuously mindful, and is a healthy way to start the day.
2. I read. As little of a task as this may seem, it is actually something that I feel accomplished in, due to the fact that I am reading for fun. This is something that I haven’t done in awhile due to my usual hectic lifestyle, and is something I am most definitely taking advantage of now. There is something so magical about words that other people have deeply thought about. I encourage you to pick up any book you can find and give it a try–who knows, you might just fall in love and learn something while you’re at it.
3. I write. Letters. Journal entries. Ideas for the future. Personally, there are few things I enjoy more than putting a pen to paper. The relationship between the two create a magic that has the power to create change; within your own life, someone else’s life–even the world. I urge you to pick up a pen, a pencil, whatever writing utensil you prefer, and write.
4. Last but not least, I continue to spread love. As we all know, it is important during this time to keep our distance from society and stay home as much as possible with limited-to-no-contact outside those in your household. However, that doesn’t mean we stop spreading our love! As I mentioned earlier, a great way to do this is by writing letters. Sending your words to someone you miss dearly or simply want to check in on means the world to the receiver, I promise. Other ways to do this is through FaceTime, texting, emailing, etc. Keep that love going (virtually).

Another important thing to remember during this time is to love yourself. Make sure to ask yourself how you are feeling, daily, and evaluate your emotions, physical and mental wellbeing. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it–your feelings are valid.

I want to end this note on something I saw on social media the other day. My friend’s mother uploaded an inspiring video of how this time in isolation can be used utilized for “personal expansion.” By this, she means to use this time thoughtfully and meaningfully–to explore yourself. Finding out new things, revisiting the old, understanding where you stand, your morals, your hopes and dreams. This is a wonderful time to spend time with just YOU and by making good use of that time through exploration.

Who knows, you might just fall in love.

I wish you all safety and love. If you can, support local businesses (restaurants, boutiques); be mindful of how often you leave your home; check if your grocery store has special times for those who need it most, and try to shop at a different time, etc. Most importantly, please understand that we all contribute to this epidemic in one way or another–contemplate exactly what role you think is best for you, and the betterment of humanity.

Xoxo

So, I was on Facebook. It seems to be that my age group does not use this app nearly as much as other mediums, but there is something so wonderful about a platform that appeals to all ages. I love keeping up with all the moms!!

As I uploaded photos and videos of my experience in Italy, I thought that I might as well hop on over to my profile and update it as well. As I clicked the “profile settings” bar and entered “edit profile,” I was bombarded with many questions. Where I live, what school I am attending, and so forth. As I scrolled to the bottom, I saw that there was an option to include my relationship status. Despite the fact that I have never been in a relationship, I had an idea of what I wanted to click. So, I viewed the various options. These are what appeared:

Single.

In a relationship.

Engaged.

Married.

In a civil union.

In a domestic partnership.

In an open relationship.

It’s complicated.

Separated.

Divorced.

And,

Widowed.

Although I had a specific one that I wanted to select, it did not appear in the options. So, as I perch in my apartment living room at 11:30pm in Roma, I have a yearning to tell you all what I would have selected.

Relationship Status: Loving Myself.

Loving Myself. Two words that are often not uttered enough. Before I began this journey three years ago, I knew in my heart that I loved myself. But it is one thing to know something, and another to actually apply it.

Although I had an extremely strong sense of self at my high school, I witnessed a confidence emerge within myself as I entered Willamette. This confidence and admiration grew throughout my two years, and I didn’t know it was possible to continue this growth. Oh, Vonni. Don’t you know, there is always room for growth? While I have been away, I have shocked myself and discovered even more of my heart within the uneven cobblestones of Trastevere.

You see, my senior year of high school, I selected this quote to be placed in the yearbook:

“You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

-Glinda, Wizard of Oz

Well, three years later, I can say that I have successfully learned my power, which is: love. Last year, when I first began seriously contemplating the concept of self care and self love, I often thought, “How can I possibly love someone to the fullest if I do not fully love myself?”

This furthered and fueled my journey to fully accepting myself, which has been the best journey of all. On this journey, I have made mistakes, have allowed my pillow to catch my tears, and have felt extremely confused. However, I always made sure to give myself a hug at the end of the day. To leave a note for myself to wake up to. To say “I love you” as I looked in the mirror at a face that was trying so hard to understand the world around her.

But here’s the thing–in order to understand the world, we must interact with the people in it. As I have had an immense amount of interactions during my time in Europe, I have met so many humans with stories and lessons that leave me in deep reflection. Being open to the unknown and smiling at strangers has been a critical part of my journey. By saying a simple “Hi,” “Bonjour,” and copious “Ciaos,” I have learned about the importance of supporting those you love, the contagiousness of a welcoming attitude, and that the willingness to chase and achieve your dreams never really dies, no matter your age.

Something truly magical occurs when you open your heart up to others: your heart grows, as well.

As I reflect on the time I have spent at Willamette and in Rome, I am left with a smile. I have allowed myself space to explore myself and the planet that we all inhabit, and it has led to the ultimate form of self love.

I invite you all to open your hearts to the possibility of learning new things, whether it is about you or others. I invite you to embrace yourself and to write encouraging letters to yourself. We all possess qualities that are worth love–from others, and from yourself. Trust me on this one. You all have the power, you just have to learn it for yourself.

I suppose I owe this to the bonds I have made with others, the mountains that taught me how to grow, and Glinda.

I am so thrilled to be at this point in my journey, but believe me, there is still much more to accomplish.

Come with me. Let’s paddle this canoe together.

Until further notice:

Relationship Status: Loving Myself.

Someone important once said, “It is the journey, not the destination, that matters.”

A couple of weeks ago I boarded a nine hour plane ride that would take me to the destination that I would inhabit for three and a half months. I sat down in the leather chair that would be my companion for the night and let my body find its way into the nooks and crannies of the seat.

I tend to do a lot of thinking on planes. So, I did. I thought about the opportunity that lay ahead–the immersion that would become my norm. The faces that would hold so much mystery, like a puzzle that you haven’t pieced together yet. The food that would dance through my system. The nights that I would find myself amongst the stars. These thoughts swirled around in my head with the promise of a good time. So, I sat, and I smiled out the window. I smiled at my future.

And then, I landed.

Something changed when the plane hits the tarmac. Up in the air, the thought of living in a different country with a different language–a different everything–didn’t seem real. Until it was. I waltzed off of the aircraft and into the heart of Rome. I went through the motions of signing paperwork, receiving the key to my apartment, and waiting for a shuttle to take me to my new home. I anxiously grazed my hand across my wallet, grasping at anything that felt familiar.

The vehicle zoomed past trees that I had never walked past, houses that I had never been in, and people that I had never connected with. It was in the moment that I plopped down on my bed, that I wondered what the hell I had gotten into. Was it the time change? The birth control? Why wasn’t everything perfect the second I landed?

The important part of my journey started when I knew that transitioning into my new home wasn’t going to be easy. The thought of going somewhere where nobody knows you is nice until you are actually in a situation where no one knows you. It’s that feeling that most people can relate to–when you first leave home and enter a new space, in a new environment–everything is foreign, and you crave the feeling of knowing your surroundings.

One of the reasons I was so excited to study abroad (and still am excited about) was the promise of growth. Within the last two weeks, I have stretched myself in ways that I wasn’t expecting. The growing pains were, as they always are–painful–consisting of the Holy Trinity: doubts and tears and mood swings.

It’s something that most people don’t want to talk about: the hard times. The storm. The journey to becoming content with yourself and your surroundings. The idea that not being okay is okay. Why does society fight this? Why did I?

And then, like all storms do, it passed. I stopped fighting the feeling of not knowing. I let myself walk the path that was meant for me. I was myself again. I was meeting people who made me so happy I would twirl. And boy, do I love to twirl. After thousands of footprints scattered throughout the city of Roma, the drinks that turned into a receipt that caused laughter and the need to dance, the skipping and the deep conversations, the laughing due to misunderstanding, and the long walks along Tiber river: I have found a home here. And now begins my love affair with the city of Roma and the people I have met and the people I have yet to meet.

What a beautiful life we get to live. A life full of change and what comes with it–the difficulties and the reward. But what we tend to forget, as humans, is the journey that got us to our happy place. My journey thus far has taught me so much. That it is okay to feel lost, because you will always find your way back to yourself. To hug yourself when you need it. To accept that change is an essential ingredient for growth and prosperity. To allow yourself to truly feel your emotions.

I feel as if I have arrived at my destination now, but oh, it has been the journey that has allowed me to do so. I am now ready to fall head over heels with this precious time I have been given. Time that I intend to fill with the beauty of truly immersing myself in this experience–the people that are becoming my family, the streets that are becoming my dance floor, and the love that will continue to radiate from my content heart.

I wanted to share this story because I think it is important to feel comfortable with your emotions, and that that is normal. Part of accepting yourself has to do with listening to what your body and soul are telling you. Try to not fight the growing pains–accept that they are doing you some good.

Oh, the joy of being alive. The emotions that we can feel. The good and the bad–all vital to our construction. As I dance and twirl through the winding alleyways filled with grapevines dangling from terraces and people placing their hats on the ground, eager to share their talents–I want you to think of where you are right now. Wherever you are, whatever you are feeling–that is life. We are all, at this moment, experiencing something that is a part of the journey. Your journey. And that is beautiful.

Now that I have arrived, I am ready to continue my journey. Because, even when we think we arrive at our destination–when we think we know, we continue to learn and grow. I am saying “yes” to growth and the pursuit of happiness.

Do you want to say it with me?

Because the moment you agree to accept, learn, and grow, is the same moment that you start living. Buongiorno to an adventure that already has me grinning from ear to ear.

So, every day, I walk. There are few things that bring me as much joy as walking around with my Beats on–it is my musical escape. I walk, and I think. About life, the pursuit of happiness, all the good stuff. I usually walk at night, the darkness enveloping me, comforting me. Many people become worried when I walk out the door and into the unknown. They say, “Vonni, you have to be careful. With those Beats on, you hear nothing. Be aware of your surroundings.” I nod and smile. I mean, they aren’t wrong. When I put my Beats on, the world is gone. It is my happy place. A place where I float amongst the ebb and flow of feeling.

Why do I walk? Well, I guess it is simple, really. I walk to understand. To be alone. When I walk, I think about everything and anything, and I form opinions. Opinions that guide me. If you have ever had a conversation with me, you probably have found that I am an extremely sentimental person. I love to have meaningful interactions with others, I often find myself reflecting, and I am constantly critically analyzing most things that come my way.

When I go on my walks, or, jaunts, as I like to refer to them as, I see something that makes me think. A lot. It is always there–it is permanent. And every time I look at it, I ponder the different possible meanings that it could hold.

There is a clock tower that is nestled in the heart of campus. Every hour, it chimes. It is truly a magical structure, adorned with brick, glass, and the promise of consistency. Although these aspects of the tower are admirable, I find that what is written on the clock tower to be most enchanting. Carved into the stone are the following words: “Knowledge is the Preface of Peace.” The first few times I passed this phrase, I didn’t truly absorb those words. I didn’t question it. Until one night, I did.

So, lets dissect what this phrase literally means. “Knowledge” is a concept that we all grew up with. We were sent to school at a young age to attain this so called “knowledge.” We were taught to believe what we were taught, because it would help us later in life. Knowledge, as I have come to find, is the attainment of information–an enlightenment, of anything and everything. “Preface” is a word that most of us have heard when referring to the beginning of a book. It is the start of something. Lastly, “peace” immediately reminds me of unity. People in harmonious states with one another. Comforted by the fact that we are all different, and that that is okay.

When you put these words together, “Knowledge is the Preface of Peace,” it makes me come to the conclusion that, if you have knowledge, you have the ability to understand, and ultimately strive to reach a state of beginning to accept–to find a home within the consonance of a group of people. But, it is more than just you. In order to truly create peace, we must all come to a certain level of acknowledging each other on a human level. This type of achievement requires all to accept that what they have learned and acquired throughout their time on this planet is not necessarily the only way to see the world.

I am a firm believer that people can become stuck in their philosophies and the particular lens in which they see life. I know this, because I once have succumbed to this type of thinking. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is very important for people to have their own opinion, but it is when people start to reject all other beliefs, that the attainment of knowledge becomes farther away from the attainment of peace.

We were all put on this Earth for multiple reasons. One of them is to understand others. Another is to have our own thoughts in which leads to our own opinions. Why can’t both of these coexist in harmony? Well, there are a lot of reasons as to why this is not the case. Unfortunately, it is at the expense of others. I want everyone to strive to push themselves to see beyond themselves. If we can do this, it is a start. A start to attain peace. I am aware that simply knowledge alone will not do all of the work, but it is a beginning. A beginning that will serve humanity well. One day we might accomplish this. If we work hard and continue to challenge ourselves.

I haven’t written a blog post in awhile for one of two reasons: I find myself very busy. Since I love writing, I want to be able to truly give it my all, which means dedicating time that I haven’t had until now. Second, I wanted to write about something that I felt mattered. I have many things that circulate throughout my head, but I felt that this concept of the importance of understanding others–that pertains to so many of us.

I hope that this piece of my heart leaves you with something to think about. I hope that, the next time you take a jaunt, you think about something deep. Something that moves you. Something… you would be willing to fight for.

Knowledge is the preface of peace, but, oh… that is just the beginning.

There are certain areas in life that I want to improve in. For instance, I am lactose intolerant. Unfortunately, my body rejects the things I love most in life, which includes cheese and mochas. I was young when I discovered my intolerance to dairy, so I began to take a Lactaid pill (a medication that prevents an upset stomach) before I would consume milk or ice cream. This worked for awhile, until I felt as if I had “grown out of” my lactose intolerance. But, here’s the thing–that’s not something a person simply leaves in the past. Now in college, I find myself still a lactose intolerant, unable to face the fact that I need to pop some pills before indulging in dairy products. This year, I want to be apply what I have learned in the past and apply it to my present life.

When people talk about what their New Years Resolutions, I tend to take them with a grain of salt, due to my own inability to maintain the items that I write on a piece of paper. The thing is, it is appealing to put to paper what you believe you will accomplish in the next year. However, there is a difference between writing it down and actually following through. This year, I want to focus on the action part of resolutions. I have always been the type of gal who gets it done, so to speak, and now I want to apply that to everything I set my mind to. So, what are Vonni’s New Year’s Resolutions?

1. Engage in meaningful conversations. Now, this probably seems like something obvious. A response to this would probably be something like: well, shouldn’t you do that already? But here’s the thing–it is so much easier to talk about the superficial parts of life–the materialistic. It is something that we, as consumers, tend to talk about. The things that connect us. In the past year, however, I have engaged in copious conversations with people that involve what connects us on a deeper level. The stuff that makes a person who they are–what they love, what scares them, what they want out of life, etc. It is so interesting to sit and talk with someone and truly understand who they are. This year, I want to have even more of these conversations.
2. Do more of what makes me happy. I am the kind of person who really cares about what I am doing. I am constantly checking in with myself and asking myself the question: Is this what you really want to be spending your time on? SO, ladies and gents, I have one favor for you all–this year is the year of YOU. Be a little selfish. Do what is best for you. Too often do we put others ahead of ourselves–which, isn’t a bad thing–but, in doing so, we also tend to completely disregard our own emotions in the process. Some activities I want to do more of during this year include: dancing in the streets at midnight, attending more concerts, going on more hikes and hopping on a plane often. These are just some of the things that make me happy, and you can bet that I’ll be doing them.
3. Surrounding myself with people who make me feel GOOD and who also make me laugh and laugh. Man, if you make me laugh, there is a very good chance I want to have you in my life for a long time. There is something about a fun personality paired with a sense of humor that just gets me. Ever since I was little, laughter was something that truly made me feel alive. The way the wrinkles suddenly appear and the way your belly starts to ache (it’s not always from the dairy) makes me feel so WHOLE. There are many people in my life, currently, who make me laugh and smile and just feel giddy. So, this year I am making a pact to engage with more people who make me feel just so. Treat yourself right.

So, there you have it folks. Some of the things that I have on my list for the coming year. Hold me to it. Help a girl out and don’t be afraid to say, “TAKE YOUR LACTAID PILL!” Because, chances are, I am feeling a bit too invincible that day. In this new year, I won’t necessarily think about the mantra “New Year, New Me,” due to the fact that I am at a pretty good place with myself. I think that everyone has the ability to be their best self–to improve what is already there. So, lets start this year off on the right foot, shall we? Surround yourself with good people, good conversation, and some dancing.

Cheers, to 2019.

This was the first picture I took in 2019, with a gal who makes me feel great on the inside. I hope to surround myself with people like her all year long–always down for a laugh, always down for an adventure, and always expressing her true self.

Thank you for joining me on this journey! Before we begin, I want everyone to engage in a story that influences my life in various ways–and most likely had a significant impact in my decision to start a blog. It goes something like this…

Last year, I attended a lecture. It was required for class, so you could say I was less than thrilled. As I drudged my way through campus, I had no idea that what was about to be said would essentially change my life.

I entered the auditorium and slouched in my seat (I never have challenged myself to have good posture), my brain already mapping out how the next hour would go.

A middle aged woman appeared from behind the curtain, her dress dancing around her. You could feel the poise and confidence that followed her as she took her place next to the microphone. Her lips began to move, and that is when all of my preconceived notions disappeared.

What commenced for the next hour was not something I was expecting. It was raw. Real. Something that you felt. The woman told her story, and I listened.

She scanned the audience, her eyes finding mine. She smiled. I reciprocated.

She leaned in close to the microphone, as if she was about to let us college students in on a secret. I was ready.

“When you arrive at the ocean,” she said, “will you come as a pebble, or a drop of water?”

The woman glanced up, her curly hair hugging her narrow face. I studied her gaze–it was full of wonderment. She continued with, “If you arrive as a pebble, you will simply sink to the bottom of the ocean and only know yourself. However, if you arrive as a drop of water, you will assimilate with all the other drops of water that make up the ocean and understand how the drops ebb and flow. You will understand. You will accept. You will be a part of something bigger than yourself.” 

Now, what the lecturer said that day has stuck with me. I think about it every day. In this life, we get to choose what we want to be. So, what does Vonni want to be?

As of right now, all I have figured out is that I want to be a drop of water. I want to understand and accept what is going on around me. As cliché as it sounds, this past year has changed me in ways that I didn’t even know were possible–and this is just the beginning. I think that creating this blog and being able to share my thoughts on a different type of platform will help me explore parts of myself that I didn’t notice before. I hope it proves to be entertaining for you fine folks, as well.

So, there you have it. A little background on a gal that is just trying to navigate the life we are given. So, sit back, relax, and ride the wave.